No one likes tests. Stress levels rise. Life seems clumsy and out of balance when you sacrifice your home, work and play lives for test preparation. No rewards are given until the end. It is an exhausting experience followed by anxiety of waiting for your test results.

Unknowingly, you frequently participate in this process. Every time you assign yourself a weight loss goal, you give yourself a test. In the end, you judge your efforts and your character. Did I lose the weight and pass the test, or did I fall short of expectations?

This pass-fail testing paradigm does not serve you. Using judgment as a motivator blocks your ability to see what is really happening and to learn how to be successful. Are the changes you made sustainable when the test is over? The short term solutions such as intense exercise programs, diet restrictions or purchased meal plans certainly don’t fit this description. There is a better way to achieve lasting results.

Live It!

You have to live the health and fitness changes you want to achieve. Letting go of the outcome allows you to gain awareness to much more information than a pass or fail result. You see your strengths and weaknesses, what energizes you and what drains you, where you take risks and where you hold back. You see opportunities to make lasting changes in your health and fitness.

Living the changes you want to make requires all of you to participate. Lifestyle changes involve your thoughts (mind), and your feelings (spirit) and your actions (body). They must all be in alignment to make sustainable changes. Have you ever started working on your goal without examining or changing your thoughts or feelings? You find yourself working harder and harder because your “this won’t work” type of thoughts betray your actions. And eventually your behaviors re-align with your unchanged thoughts and feelings. Back to square one.

I urge my coaching clients to align their thoughts, feelings, and actions to support each other. This reduces the stress that accompanies any change. I ask solution oriented questions to help them participate 100%. This questioning and support process helps to ensure that you are prepared in mind, spirit and body to make sustainable changes in your life.

Do your goals require actions?

Make your program goals about behaviors. Replace the results-oriented goals (I will lose 20 pounds in 8 weeks) with actions that you can do for a lifetime. Examples are eat three nutritious meals every day, pack a healthy snack each work day, walk at least 30 minutes, five days a week, or schedule 15 to 30 minutes of “me” time each day. Begin taking action in incremental steps each week. For example, start on one meal at a time. Breakfast is a logical choice since it is the day’s first meal. Small changes build confidence and make you more receptive to change.

Do You Believe You Can Make These Changes?

When you believe in your health and happiness, trying new things becomes more like a normal activity. On the other hand, if you are not emotionally connected to your goals, negative thoughts and expectations creep in to hold you back from success. One way to reinforce your beliefs is to live them like they are already true. Get into the habit of acting like you already lost 20 pounds and you are happy, healthy and active right now.

What Do You Expect?

Your expectations have a strong connection to the outcome. Anytime you start something new, expectations vary from fun to difficult or satisfying to frustrating. If you expect the daily walk to be boring, then odds are good you will skip the walk or cut it short. Notice how your behavior is hesitant or confident based on your expected outcome.

What Do You Focus On?

Whatever you focus on will grow. As you focus on each week’s activities, be aware of what you pay attention to. Each step forward has risks and rewards that hold back or push you forward. When the risks absorb all of your attention, divide the action into smaller parts to decrease the risk to a level where you believe you can do it.

What Did You Learn?

Every new action is an opportunity to find an experience that moves you forward. Take this time to examine what you actually did, what you believed, what you expected, and what you focused on. Each offers information about how to move forward.

I use my coaching practice to help clients let go of the outcome and focus on the changes and the choices they are making each week. Let go of the pressure. You cannot make mistakes. Know that each new activity is less risky because you are doing this for you and no one else. Each decision and action is an opportunity for a healthy and happy you.

Will Prater is an Atlanta-area life coach who specializes in helping clients live healthier lifestyles, achieve personal growth, improve time management skills and get better organized. He can be reached at 404-817-3547.